Saturday, December 27, 2008


This blog is something that I've been thinking about starting for quite a while.  I have felt a little remiss in not writing on Julia's Caringbridge site, because I know there are many people who still check in.  I am very thankful for that site, for everything it did for us and continues to do, and for the continued support and love for our daughter that is found in the guestbook entries.   I know that those who check in would welcome knowing how we are doing, and how Lily is growing into a girl just as amazing and remarkable as her older sister.  But it has never felt to me like the right forum for continuing to write about our life.  

Primarily, I am writing this blog for those people who I know will welcome having a place where they can come and think about Julia.  And, of course, I am also writing it for me.  As life gets busier, and Lily gets older, these things seem to take their toll on the amount of time that I spend just thinking of Julia.  She is always in my heart, and every interaction I have with my world, I believe, is influenced by her in some way. But too often I feel that too much time has gone by without me really thinking about her.  I hope that this site will enable or encourage me to take a little more time a little more often, to sit down and think about Julia.  

It's taken me so long to start this, partly, because it did not seem like a "normal" thing to blog about.  But, as Bert pointed out to me, really nothing about our life since Julia's death seems "normal".  I thought that was a good point.  I don't really know what this will become, how frequently I will post or what I will write about.  But I do know that writing about Julia, and  about life, always makes me feel more connected to myself and to my girl.  And I know that I am happy to once again have a space to think, write and share about my daughter, and a space where others can do the same.  There is a phrase that pops into my head when I'm embarking on something new which has unforeseeable results, often at unexpected moments (like questioning whether I should put peaches in my guacamole), and always in a squeaky, exuberant, two-and-a-half-year-old's voice.  "We can try!".  I guess that says it all.


  1. Hi Laurel and Bert,

    Peaches in guacamole? Hmmmmm, worth a try. So funny that this message came across tonight. We just returned from dinner at a new pizza place - with the star of the dinner, our Julia. "I don't like America - how we think we are so great" "I want to shovel everyone's driveway for $5 and not be so money greedy like everyone else" Such a free spirit...

    I look forward to seeing updates on this blog (though I don't subscribe to any blogs - don't really know what to do with them).

    What lucky girls you have, Julia and Lily. What great wisdom to say "we can try". It might just be the answer to so many things - so appropriate on January 1.

    Best wishes and lots of love, Christal (from CT)

  2. I was out of tomatoes... it wasn't the best guacamole, but it wasn't bad!

    I don't really know what to do with blogs either, but I guess that having one is the best way to find out. Thanks for writing, it's really nice to hear from you!

  3. When my daughter Laura was in treatment for neuroblastoma, I remember reading about Julia and being very touched by Julia's story. I especially remember the photo of her working with beads with her dad. Treatment was not successful for my daughter Laura: her neuroblastoma broke through 3F8 antibody and everything else we could try. Laura passed away more quickly than the docs expected in a sudden swift decline in December 2006. I think about her and miss her all of the time. Have a blog too called "Laura Stiles A Gentle Spirit" which is a weaving of current things and the memories of Laura that wind through the present.. I look forward to following your blog.
    with best wishes
    Mara Stiles
    New Jersey
    mother of angel Laura (1994-2006)